Pain in the butt! :)

What a day Mark and I had on Friday.  We left our home at about 8:30 am and didn't get back home until about 5:00 pm.  Many of you don't know (because it doesn't seem like the thing to share) but I have been bleeding so the doctors felt as though I should go in for a colonoscopy.  I went in Friday morning to have this procedure done.  They asked if they could put my IV in through my port and I agreed.  Usually when they access my port I have a numbing cream I use so it isn't as painful.  Well since I didn't think about them using my port  I hadn't put on my cream.  The nurse told me it wouldn't hurt any more than a needle prick so I agreed to let her use it.  Well, she lied!  It hurt like crazy and then the best part is she couldn't get it to work. She then told me they were going to have to put the IV in my arm.  I told her they can never get it to work in my arm and she would have to use my hand.  Well because I am just the patient, and apparently don't know anything, she opted to try my arm first.  After many painful pokes and digging around here is the result.

She then resorted to my hand and again was unable to find a vein she could use.  After a few more pokes and digging and ALOT of pain, she gave up.  My hand looks about as bad!  So now we are at a standstill. For better or worse I am not able to let them try in my right side due to the mastectomy and loss of lymph-nodes so they were not sure what they were going to do.  Another nurse came in turned off the lights and looked at my arms with an ultraviolet light.  She said she found another vein but it looked small and she wasn't confident she could get it to work.  I don't think she or I wanted to continue to torture me so she opted to not try again and decided to call down one of my nurses from the cancer center who works with my port all the time.  I was wishing one of us would have thought of that sooner.  Thankfully the cancer nurse had no problems accessing my port, just more pain, but we finally got my IV working.  I am not going to lie, it makes me nervous to think of what is going to happen when I no longer have a port.  My veins were tough to access before but now the chemo is really taking a toll on them.  :(
Silly me, I thought this procedure was going to be a quick one and I would have time to go home before I had my next appointment with the radiation oncologist.  Well I was wrong.  We finished up with 40 minutes until the next appointment.  Since I hadn't eaten in almost 48 hours we ran and got a quick bite to eat and headed to the next appointment in my sweat from my surgery and with my hospital band still on my arm. This appointment to me was just going to be a quick visit so he could tell me I didn't need radiation and I could check that off my list of things to do and doctors to visit with.  Well I am sad to say I was wrong.  I have had so many other doctors tell me that more than likely I wouldn't need radiation, and truthfully I don't want to have it, so I had led myself to believe I wouldn't be having it. Unfortunately,  I am wrong.  My doctor said he too felt I didn't need to have radiation at first but after deeper review of my file he feels as though it is necessary.  He is still going to take my case to be reviewed with his colleagues this week and get back to me but likely the verdict won't change.  Needless to say I was devastated!  I don't know why because everyone says it is easier than chemo but I just don't want to do it.  I guess maybe I am afraid of the long term side affects.  I am also getting tired.  I cried a little on Friday and felt sorry for myself.  Saturday I just pretended it wasn't true and was in a little denial and then came Sunday.  As I sat in Sacrament meeting Sunday I remembered that I needed to have a little more faith.  I am forgetting that Heavenly Father has a plan for me and if this is part of it then I need to buck up and just do it.  If I have lasting side affects then I will deal with them.  If I am tired then I just need to pray for more strength.  I forget at times that I am not in charge and that just because I don't want radiation doesn't mean that I don't need it.  I plan to continue to do my homework so I can make the best decision and I will continue to pray for comfort and inspiration but as for now I am just trying to be okay with what is happening.  So when you ask what you can do for me all I can say is pray for us.  Pray for my family that they can handle me being tired for a little longer.  Pray for us that we can learn something from this trail and that it will not all be in vain.  Pray that we can be strong and accept His will.  And lastly pray that each of us will become a little better, a little stronger and can use that strength to serve others during all of this.  This is my prayer!